If you’re looking for love later in life and thinking, “I want it, but it’s too late, so it’ll never happen,” read on. The advantage of age over youth is you know a thing or two. You know what you like and you know what you don’t. Chances are, you know those things in the love department, too.
I was in my 50s when I realized my long-term, close to 30-year marriage was ending badly. I had to get out. If I ever wanted to experience love, and I mean the “real thing,” I had work to do. I put myself through a five-step process to get where I wanted — in love, living each day with more joy than I ever thought possible, remarried, and happy. You can, too.
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Here are 5 tiny things that opened me up to passionate love:
1. Choose to move forward and clear your past.
Firmly decide you want to find true love. No equivocation and no waffling back and forth. It won’t happen if you’re uncertain. If you want it, decide, declare, and claim it! Then, clear out your past so you can move forward. Clear out all the memorabilia from past relationships. Let the stuff go. Throw it away, or have a ceremony with it if it’s hard to do. It also means you stop talking about the past. That turns people off. By doing these things, you're wiping the slate clean. You’re clearing out your resistance and opening a pathway for a new person to come into your life. Get excited about it!
Photo:Bernardo Emanuellevia Shutterstock
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2. Create a new image of yourself, inside and out.
Let’s start with your appearance. Look in the mirror and smile. Have you seen that lately? What will give you a lift and make you smile more? Decide to create and put forward a positive new image of yourself. Go for a new style and haircut! Simple things can make you look and feel fabulous.
Look around your place, could it use a lift? Maybe some new pictures, flowers or colors? Have fun with this. Do what makes you happy! The internal changes are equally important. This involves turning the lenses of your perspective so you see your strengths instead of looking at all the “bad things” you’ve dealt with.
Notice your intelligence, integrity, and grit — all the qualities that have brought you to this moment. Recognize your incredible talents, gifts, and assets. Admire yourself and do it regularly. You’ve got to affirm the person you want someone else to love! Now, create internal excitement with fantasies of your perfect love. Imagine all the details focusing on the thrilling feelings you want. By mentally preparing yourself for something great, you’re paving the path for it to come to you!
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3. Reflect on what you want to attract.
Someone told me to list the 50 qualities I wanted in a love mate. I included what I like to do and wanted to share with someone special. I dug into the internal traits more than the external ones — the ones I knew would make my soul happy. Then came the clincher: I had to reflect on what I wanted to attract. If I wanted someone I could admire, I needed admirable qualities, too. This is when it got interesting.
I went through my list again. I couldn’t ask for someone more responsible, responsive, loving, kind, generous, or interesting than I was. I had to step up my game. If I wanted someone with skills I didn’t have, I had to admire, adore, and support those skills. Attracting and finding true love isn’t a passive process. It’s a soul-searching decision. You have to give as much as you want to receive. You have to evolve into the type of person you want to attract.
4. Get out and have fun.
You won't find love sitting in your place alone. You’ve got to get yourself out there. You may also need to make new friends. Give this some thought. We choose our friends. Select the ones who support the new life you want. I love music and dancing. I have no talent for either; it just makes me happy. I had a ball going out listening to music. It’s no surprise my new husband is a musician. I met him at my house, at a party I hosted — with his band playing!
This is a multi-part series of our unique love story. The notebook was a movie… The Counter (The name of our movie) is real life baby! We are telling our story to inspire those not yo give up on finding true love. It is definitely like looking for a needle in a haystack, BUT, we truly believe our Guardian Angels led us to one another. In other words, there is help out there. Stay true to who you are. Be honest. And the rest will follow.
5. Engage in life and let go.
Once you’ve made the first four changes, you should feel happier. When you enjoy yourself and engage in your life, you have more internal and external congruency. You've become like a beacon of light that attracts people to you. Now, you can stop thinking and worrying about finding love. Just let go and have fun. That’s when it can float in!
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These five steps may take a little while to fall in place, but I promise they're the changes that will bring you a lifetime of joy. Take as long as you need. You're so worth it!
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Connie Milligan helps people find healthy pathways to positive change. Whether in individual or group work, training, or consulting, the goal is the same; to provide services that create change at the heart level.
